two shots to the ass

I have had a migraine for three days, so I decided tonight to finally make the trip to the E.R. to see if they could alleviate some of this pain. I expected them to give me some toradol and phenegran and send me home. Well, the doctor came in and asked me a whole bunch of questions about my pain where it was at etc, and then decided to give me a shot of morphine and some phenegran. So life is better right now, i'm going to go and sleep for awhile. Hopefully will update soon! ^.^

Piss and Puke... what a day!

So, Kim takes me up to the bar after I spent 45 minutes turning in cans and bottles to have money for dinner and shit tonight... anyways, my other aunt Mary is there... and she tells me that Bonnie (my cousin) is at ANOTHER bar, and has no way to get to the bar where we are at. So, I tell her I'll go with her to go pick up Bonnie and her boyfriend Brian. We get there and Brian is pissed off talking to him self yelling etc, we pull up and ask WTF is the problem? He tells us that Big Rod (this guy who has been "friends" with the family for years) Got Bonnie SHIT FACED drunk. They were playing a game of pool and every time that she missed a shot she had to take a shot of jack daniels. This was after pouring 3-4 jack and cokes down her throat and 12 cherry bombs. The girl is fucking trashed. So, Brian brings Bonnie out of the bar she is stumbling around crying, yelling about being sorry etc and Big Rod comes out of the bar. Mary asks him, Who the fuck did this to Bonnie. He said... "I don't know!" She said, "Well, I know that Bonnie and Brian didn't have the fucking money to get her that drunk, why the fuck did you keep pouring HARD alcohol down her throat?" He wouldn't answer her. So, she was like WTF ever don't you ever do that again, she never drinks hard alcohol and you fucking know that! Anyways, she ends up puking all over the side of the van, and pissing herself. We take her back to Brians house to get changed because she was needed to play pool that night. Brian takes her in the house and gets her changed. We stopped no less than 3 times so she could puke out the back door of the van and pisses herself again. (No one knew this time cause she was wearing black pants.) Anyways, I get her into the bar me and Mary were previously at and take her into the bathroom to clean her up. (Fix her hair etc give her my coat cause she was cold.) So, she starts acting more sober, kinda, and we sit her down with 7 up and water in front of her and some chips to try to start sobering her up. Anyways, so she gets up after awhile and starts playing pool, saying that she needs to move around to start getting sober. I sit down in the chair that she was just occupying not knowing that she pissed herself and get HER piss all over ME.
I am flabbergasted at this point in time wondering wtf I am going to do, because I have no way home (Mary is drunk as well) and have to spend the rest of the night with pissy pants when I didn't even piss myself.

The decision is.....?

The judge ruled in my favor. The company needed to proove that I was fired for misconduct, and they didn't. The judge even put in there that my testimony was more credible because I could remember what I did/said and that the companies witness could not. I feel very elated. They have until December 4th, to appeal this decision and this will be the final time.


Oh happy day!


Love and Light,
Ashli Lynn aka Phoenyx

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey ya'll. Well I hope everyone around the blogosphere has a great Thanksgiving Day. :) I am heading over to spend some time with my cousins (from the other side of the family) and will hopefully have a grand time there. Talk to ya'll later! :)

Ashli

The decision?

Well guys and gals, folks and folkettes, I won't find out about the judges decision until it arrives in the mail in the next ten days. Strange seeming as the letter stated the judge would give us a decision on the phone. I would write a big long story on the entire thing, but I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore, or that anyone cares. Hell, I might write it all out tonight after I get done with my nap. The jist is: They lied, I caught them at lying and then they got caught up in their own lying. They tried coping out of something and the judge wouldn't hear it. I think, I pray that I won and this will finally be over. It could be a month from now when/if me or the bakery decide to appeal the decision. I just hope this is said and done and over with before Christmas. If not I guess that *when* I do win in the end I'll have alot of money to spend on my family post-christmas/yule.

Side note: I did pray last night to the lord and lady to give me guidance on what to say and also to help the judge see the truthful information being presented in the hearing. I felt their loving arms wrapping around me. I think... no wait, I KNOW that things will come out the way they are supposed to. I can *feel* it. Even if the decision isn't in my favor, I will appeal it, and things will work themselves out.

Love and Light,
Ashli Lynn aka Phoeny

The night before

Well tonight is the night before the big hearing with the judge from the unemployment office. I re-read the letter they sent me a week or so ago. It says that if the judge decides that I am in the fault, I have to give back all the money that the unemployment office has paid me. That equals over 500$. This is just wonderful. Well, I am just apprehensive and just wanting this all to be over. Tonight, I am going to pray... pray that everything comes out just and fair.

Well, i'll find out tomorrow after 8am what's going to happen.

Love and Light,
Ashli Lynn aka Phoeny

Wow, has it really been 3 months?

Hello everyone. I'm back. I've had a lot of technical difficulties with such things as computers, money, and in general life. But I'm back for right now and hopefully will be back for awhile. A couple of "major-ish" type things have happened in my life.
1) I was working at 2 jobs. Both were opened by sisters; Jessica & Cori. (Name changes to protect the not so innocent and all that.) Well they were opening a new "french" cafe in one of the malls here in town and they wanted Cas and I to help them open it. They had a espresso machine they had no idea how to operate, food to still be able to cook and put on the menu, etc etc blah blah. Well, so me and Cas both started there and I was also hired at Jessica's bakery. A couple of weeks goes by and everything is peachy keen. Monday morning (after Jessica's sons birthday party at said cafe) I get a call from Cori stating that she was from both establishments, and that I had received *another* customer complaint, that I was not to show up to work today or in the future. [Side note: Mondays I worked at both places.] I say ok, and end the phone call. The next day I go down to the unemployment office and file unemployment. Now let's fast forward a couple of week later. 9 am is my scheduled on the phone fact finding interview with the Unemployment office and Jessica. I don't remember the unemployment ladies name but we will call her Janet. So this is how *that* conversation went.

Janet: Good morning may I speak to Ashli *lastname*
Ashli: This is her.
Janet: Good morning Ashli, this is Janet from the Iowa Unemployment Insurance claims department. We have a scheduled fact-finding interview today with... Jessica *lastname* from "The Bakery", I'm going to call Jessica right now, ok?
Ashli: Alright.
Janet: *pause while dialing "The Bakery's number* Good morning, may I speak to Jessica *lastname*
Jessica: This is her.
Janet: Good morning Jessica, this is Janet from the Iowa Unemployment Insurance claims department. We have a scheduled fact-finding interview with your former employee Ashli *lastname*. So to start this off Jessica, will you please just for the record tell me your full name, your place of business name and the address of said place?
Jessica: Jessica A. *lastname, "The Bakery" in *Bum Fuck Iowa*
Janet: Thank you. Now can you please tell me the hire and fire dates for Ashli *lastname*
Jessica: I'm not sure of either, I don't have her file handy on the moment.
Janet: *pause* Ok... Ashli do you know off hand?
Ashli: I was hired around September 16, and fired on October 1st of this year.
Janet: Ok thank you Ashli. Now, Jessica will you please tell me what happened?
Jessica: Ok well, Ashli was hired as a baker at my bakery to help me fill customer orders for cupcakes, wedding, cakes and to fill orders for "The Cafe" and she was considered part time. She was scheduled to come into work on October 1st at 11:00am on October 1st, and never showed up. I considered it a no-call no-show and that she voluntarily quit her job.
Janet: So, Ashli was supposed to show up and never did?
Jessica: Yes, that's correct. I also had a written warning for her that day, because the employee that I had watch over the bakery the last day she worked for me said that Ashli refused to do the dishes. Which is stated in her job responsibilities when she was hired at the bakery.
Janet: Ok, so she was going to get a written warning if she showed up to work that day?
Jessica: That's correct.
Janet: Ok, Ashli now tell me what happened, or your side of the story.
Ashli: Well Janet, on October first around 10 am I received a call from Cori, Jessica's sister. She said exactly this to me, "This is Cori from "The Bakery & The Cafe" I just wanted to let you know that you've had another customer complaint and we won't be needing you to come in today or in the future." So, I didn't go in to either job that day, because I was fired.
Janet: She said she was from both places of business?
Ashli: Yes she did.
Janet: And why would you consider being fired from the bakery if the owner of the cafe called and said you were fired?
Ashli: Well Janet, when I was being interviewed for both places I was interviewed by both of the sisters, talk to both of them about both places of business, and was told they were interchangeable at both places. So when Cori called and said she was from both "The Bakery" and "The Cafe" I was told I was being fired from both.
Janet: Yes, that does make sense. Ashli, did you ever discuss business with Jessica about the Cafe or Cori about the bakery?
Ashli: Yes, of course.
Janet: Ok thank you, anything else you want to add?
Ashli: Yes, I don't remember ever refusing to do the dishes at "The Bakery" and I would like to know the date that I supposedly did this.
Jessica: She refused to do the dishes that Saturday before she did not show up.
Janet: Ok, thank you. You both will receive a decision in the mail in the next 3 business days. You have until November 2Nd to appeal this decision. Do either of you have any questions?
Ashli: No.
Jessica: Nope.
The call was ended. 2 days later I receive a letter in the mail from the unemployment people saying that I did not voluntarily quit my job at the Bakery, and that I was wrongfully dismissed from my employer and that I would start receiving my unemployment benefits in the near future.
**Fast forward till November 7, 2007**
I get up around noon, take a shower, get ready to go and play pool and in the mail I have a letter. It's from the unemployment people. "Your decision has been appealed by "The Bakery" in Bum Fuck Iowa. Your hearing, which is scheduled on November 20, at 8:00am will be presided over by a judge. This appeal hearing will take place over the phone.
What the fuck! I am fuming now. I am suppose to try and find witnesses and documents and stuff. I don't have any "first hand" witness about either of the places. There is no way to prove about some of the things they lied about in the fact-finding interview. [Some of which I couldn't post, confidentiality and all that, that I signed when I first started working at "The Bakery".] I understand that people have a right to appeal and such, but c'mon! I should of received the notice of appeal the Monday following November 2, not four days later. This is ridiculous. These business aren't even big corporate business or anything like that. They are privately owned, and think that *I* am in the wrong. I helped set up and train the employees at the Cafe, showed everyone how to make all the damn froo-froo coffee drinks, and showed the 16 year old teeny-boppers how to run everything. *sigh* I guess this just goes to show you, people aren't what they seem at all.

Besides that my mom was turned down for disability/ssi yet again. Which has put her in a huge slump/depression. She does really try to do things around the house, and stuff but most of the time she's just really tired and doesn't have the energy. She's talking to a new lawyer about appealing the decision again, I think this makes it like the 6-7 time she has been refused for disability/ssi.

I finally got the answers I needed from T. They helped, him and I are currently talking, and are friends *somewhat*. It's hard to be friends after something like that has happened. Ya know?

The other big news is.... I have decided to go to Job Corps. I am still waiting on the information packet to decide what program to go into, but I am going. Not sure when. I'll let you all know when I figure that out in the future.

Love & Light,
Ashli Lynn aka Phoeny

Relativity...

A woman stormed into my job last friday walked straight up to me and (almost) shouted, "Is this ALL the gelato you have?" And I cheerfully replied, "Yes ma'am it is. We just got a shipment in today and we should have a full case tomorrow." Scowling she said, "You HAVE to make some NORMAL flavors!" and then she proceeded to storm back out of my store. [Side note: Gelato is *like* ice cream, same ingredients but it's made with whole milk not heavy whipping cream.] Anyways, it got me to really think about what "normal" is. It's all relative. Her normal gelato is chocolate, vanilla or strawberry... but to an Italian (where gelato comes from) normal is sweet corn, tomato and basil, and carrot. How does this come into my life at all you ask? Basically in every way the more I thought it. My personal "religion" is normal to me, but it's satanic worshipping to others. The way I think is normal to me, but is competely obscure to others. I finally figured out that everything is relative to someone/thing folks. Even if I walked a mile in your shoes I wouldn't come out the same way, or with the same lessons in life. I wouldn't look at things the same you do, because it's all relative to me. I hope I made my point with this, I'm not really good at espressing my thoughts anymore in print.

In other news, my store is officially closing. We'll be closed in about 10 days time. I am truly saddened at this fact. I have came to like and even admire some of my co-workers and will truly miss working along side them. But in the same breath, my best friend... who got me the job there I am having troubles with. I spent about 5 days with her last week (because of our work schedules) and was about ready to beat her nose into the back of her head. I feel as if she has been treating me like an enemy instead of her closest friend. I've tried explaining my feelings to her. She brushes them off. Especially those about *him*. She doesn't understand how I can be lonely... she says.."But your not alone!" No I'm not alone I have friends, but I'm craving for companionship. [I guess this all goes back to relativity huh?] Anyways, I thought I'd update before I work my butt off this weekend and have no time to update! :D

Ashli

The letter he'll never read.

Dear *you*,
I know you'll never read this. I know that more than likely we will never talk again. Some part of my mind needed to write this none-the-less.
I'm sorry that I can't be with you. I'm sorry that I hurt you so many times. I'm sorry so many questions went unanswered. But honestly I can sit back and remember
the times we had and not cry anymore. I can remember the time you gave me a dandelion with a smile on my face. I can remember laying back on the grass watching the hot air balloons float by, or the time spent at the fair. I can remember the nights laying on the couch just being together and not feel my heart ache. I can remember that special night, when our vows were exchanged... I can remember the times when we just watched movies and ate popcorn and remember how much you meant to me then. I remember our Christmas', Valentine's and birthdays and not want to weep. We had some really good times, we had some really bad times. We stuck through it with just each other by our sides. I am in love with you, I won't use the past-tence for that, I will always be in love with you. You changed my life, for the good and the bad. You weremy shining light, my companion, my other half. I don't fault you for that, I applaud you for it. I love you for who you were with me, and I hope you the best. Goodbye my love.

Ashli

Hello? Are you out there?

So, the meds that I'm on have kept me pretty much asleep since tuesday night. I get up, eat, poo, smoke a cigarette or two, take some more meds and head back to sleep. The upside to this stuff is I see colors i've never seen before. Whoopie! Sorry for the typos on this post and last one, I guess i'm not in the right state of mind hehe. I go and see the ENT on wednesday. Hopefully *hopefully* good news about my ears, dunno though. Aunt Kim and I are going to take sign language classes together offered by one of the local deaf churches.

Ok, my vision just swarmed again... time for bed.

It happened...again.

What was I doing at 10pm last night? Waiting my ass around in the local emergency room? Why you ask? Because I ruptured my other ear drum. I know it had been hurting all day at work, and started popping ominiously while watching the new HP movie, and wouldn't quite. I called my mom so just say hi and stuff, litterally just got on the phone with her [ "Hi mom! What's up? Oh SHIT! Lemme call you back!] My ear popped, and then I felt this great rush of something flowing up my ear. I ran into Cassy's kitchen and started saying... "I need a paper towel now please!!" I put it up to my ear for a second, and brought it back away and it had blood on it. FUCK! I did it again and again moving the papertowel and for the next 5 minutes or so blood kept soaking through. I called my mom again... "Mom I think I ruptured my other ear drum." She then tells me to head my butt to the ER. Cassy did... keeping in mind we had been awake since 5 am... to sit around for an hour to wait for anyone to check me in... The doctor finally came in... asked me the usual questions... looked at my right ear to tell me yes, I had indeed ruptured that one 3 months ago... and then he said this..
Dr: "Well, there is alot of puss and bubbling, some traces of blood... oh man that's a big hole... I mean..."
Me: "What?! A 'big' hole?"
Dr: "Well, yeah.. a big hole."
Me: "So, I ruptured my ear drum?"
Dr: "Yep." He looks through my chart... "Well, the dr how seen you about your ear drum last time perscribed you naproxen, but I think I will give you something better for the pain time. I am going to have you scheduled for a ENT specialist appt next week... You NEED to go and see them."
Me: "Ok."
He walks out... about 45 mins later the nurse walks in.. He hands me a lil bag with Lortab and Amoxicylin and tells me to come back in the morning to get the rest of my script filled.

I have been in a lovely loopy state of mind since then. This lortab or whatever makes me reallly loopy and happy. No pain until about five hours or so after I've took it. Then it's teim to take another one. Imma tell them no more tubes in my ears... I think 18 sets of the things are a bit much. *sigh* I'm assuming that reconstructive surgery is next... *bigger sigh*

More later when I'm less dopey.

AShli

Work...

So, I have been busy being a grown up lately. I hate the thought of it, but I've been working my tail off recently. This past weekend I worked 36 hours. That's just the weekend, 16 of those hours were just Saturday.

Lowlights of my weekend:
-My boss, didn't schedule anywork to work opening on Saturday so he gave me and Cassy and ultamatium. Work 16 hours that day, or each of us work 8 by ourselves...on the busiest day of the week.
-I am now the only full-time baker... which means I don't get any more money, I have to be at work at the ass-crack of dawn, and I have be work in front of hot ovens... and my training was only 15 mins long to become a baker.
-My boss... only worked 25 hours this entire week. He has another job now, and took off this upcoming weekend to go to said other job... That wouldn't be so bad but he wanted me and Cassy to pull another 16 hour day... No fucking way.
-The supervisor called me lazy. Which normally wouldn't bother me so much, but SHE didn't want to do a 13 hour day so she called me and I took some of her hours... and I'm lazy?

Anyways... I've been working like a mad-woman.. I've been staying at Cassy's and Jon's... I'm officially Hand-parted as of July 11 and I've not yet to completely read HP7 or watch HP5... Only Kelly would get how much that irks me. Well, i've got to be at work in 7 hours and I haven't slept yet.

Ashli

California

So in all of my blogs, I keep saying "I'm back from California! I had such a wonderful time." Well... that's not competely true. But I don't feel like blogging about it just yet. I have 2 cameras that need to be developed and put onto CD's so I can show ya'll what the hell I was doing for a week and 1/2.

Much love and admiration to everyone!

The real real world really sucks...

So, I have a new job. I just started it on Monday (thanks Cass!) and it's a good job. I like it alot, I make about 8.50$ hour serving coffee/gelato to yuppies. My personal life well... has been in somewhat of an upheaval. I really need a vacation from my own brain, that would help ALOT. But seeing as it won't happen, I dunno what I am going to do. Yep, this post jumped to like 3 different topic in a matter of sentenaces! W00t! Don't expect coherant or thoughtful posts for awhile.

Ashli

Bonds

So today, I'm going to talk about bonds. Bonds of friends, romance, and family. I don't know a better way to describe the feeling with other people than with bonds. Each of us has them with other people, and each bond is different from another one you have with someone else.

In my instance, the bonds with my blood relatives (apart from my mother) are fairly non-existent. I have lost all respect for two of my uncles and my grandfather. They have decided to put either woman or gambling first in their lives, and disrepect those whom took care of them and loved them in the past. Those were their decisions, and now I am the one picking up the pieces of it. Do I miss my family? Yes of course, my grandfather and I were really close when I was younger but when my grandmother died everything changed. I can't say that I really ever had that big of a bond with my eldest uncle, I do remember him trying to run me over once as a child, so when he leaves this world I doubt I shall feel much more than a twinge of pain for him. As for my youngest uncle, I have lost all respect for the man. He is a backstabbing, good for nothing lowlife who barely ever has a job. But I digress, the bonds.. yes, I have very little bonds with them anymore. My mother is the only exception.. you see she is the one who raised me. My father spent over 1/2 my life in prison for attempted murder. My earliest memories of him are me seeing him behind bars. But my mother used to work 2 or 3 jobs just to support us-bills and etc, pay for me to play softball and have the basic needs of life. I feel obligated now to take care of her in her time of need. She took care of me for 18 years, I think this is the best way to pay her back. My mother and I have such a strong bond that I know life will competely be changed when she passes on.

As for friends, they are more like my family then my actual family is. I have very few friends. Because friends to me means something more than what most people consider a friend. These people I would take a bullet for, give my last cent to, and would walk to the end of the earth for. I am grateful for these people. One of the most important people in my life right now, being my best friend from high school, Cassy. She has been my saviour these past two weeks, my sanctuary from the "cold" and "darkness" of real life. She has opened her doors to me, so I may rest, rejuvenate, and meditate. Her and I have bonded so much these past two weeks that I am so thankful for her presence.

Now onto romance bonds. I have to admit that I have been in many romantic interludes in my short life of dating. When I go into a relationship, I do it with everything that I have... heart, body and soul. I guess that because I give everything and all that I have that I expect the same back. I have bonds still with some of the people whom i've had romances with in the past, but I have not been to break some of these. As of the ones in the most recent past. But I digress.

I wanted to give a...piece of advice if you will. Explore the bonds that you have with the world around you. Express your gratitude towards the people whom with you have bonds with. Create new bonds with people whom you were contemplating doing so with. And remember, cherish what you have, praise what you did, and being thankful for what you want.

Eye Candy

So, yes... I know that most people probably assume that this topic is in some way barbaric or someshit like that... but ya know, there is that one person, you can turn around and look at and they just do it for ya. In some way shape or form. Could just be the crinkle around their eyes, the way their lips point just slightly up, or the way their voice kinda rumbles when laughing. Yep, I've recently found it healthy to have eye candy. A good uncomplicated person, who you can just look at. Yep, actually I think it's therapeutical. Good ol' human ego, physche, and libido at work. So next time your at work, having a stressful day and about ready to bash your head into a wall... find a guy or girl (both if your lucky) and get some eye candy. And when you feel better afterwards, give me a shout out. ;)

Anyways.. thought i'd write that all out and such. :D Two more days before I leave to go back home, where I have no computer and such. Cassy has been more than kind enough to let me stay here for a week... it feels wonderful to be able to take so much time to myself for healing, meditation, and concentration. Life at Cassy's house is much simplier than at my own, of course I don't have to take care of anyone else when I'm here... but still. I feel at peace here, and when I was at home, I felt like my shields and barriers were down and I couldn't get them back up? Crazy yes? Well.. anyways, I'll catch ya'll later.

Is it better to love and lost then to never have loved at all?

I've been pondering that question for some time now. I have discovered that my ex, well... has not exactly been truthful. It has torn apart my heart and soul and it feels like someone has rubbed salt and alcohol on my raw wounds. I feel used, betrayed, and utterly destroyed. And yet he has the balls to ask why I feel these things? The last two years of my life, have been this person. Taking care of them, making sure their needs were met, above my own, and making sure they lived a happy life. I know *know* it's not healthy to put someone else's needs above your own, but when I give my heart I give it all. I need to get all these emotions out, but they are trapped and they don't want to come out yet... So i'll blog about something else.

My computer died at my house, so I am currently at Cassy's house using her and Jessica's computers. I've been here almost a week, due to having problems at home and then the thing I found out my ex. Cassy has been my guiding light through everything. I don't know when I'll be able to get the computer fixed, my cousins boyfriend is supposed to give me a new hard drive but I have no idea when that will be.

Sorry for the incoherance of my post. I'll clean it up and fix it later... maybe.

The beginning

Well, in picking out a new name for my blog... I searched many words for exactly what I wanted. I came upon: Journey of the wandering phoenyx... why? Cause it seemed to fit what I wanted to express in my new blog. It seems that I need to get my thoughts and memories down. Not so much for anyone else, or any one's sympathy but for my own good. I need to let go of things, and up until now I have not attempted that feat. Why not you may ask? It was easier to carry my guilt, depression, sadness, and the black hole around with me kind of like a cloak. This blog will serve as my re-birth... yes, that's a wonderful term. I plan on sharing my memories and hopefully will be able to say what I have needed to say for so long.

Why a new blog? Well, because I needed some form of expressing myself without ridicule or hindrance from outside sources. I needed a fresh start. I need to be able to come here, feel comfortable and stretch my wings. I have so many things to say, and so many ways to say them that I don't think that my old blog would of been the appropriate place for them.

I remember when I was younger, playing at the feet of my family thinking that was the safest place in the world. Right there, under the dining room table listening to them play cards and talk about the world around them. Many things were discussed at that table. Family, politics, gossip, rumor, health, and religion. Those days don't happen anymore, not just because I am too old to hide underneath the table but because my family has dissolved. The glue that held us together, my grandmother, is now gone and her memory I fear only exists in me. No one speaks of her, as if she is taboo, but she is still there. The house that everyone came to every Sunday is still the same it was 10+ years ago. I see my grandmothers face in my mother, I see her wit and sarcasm in myself, and I see her intelligence in my little cousin. Back to my point, back then the world was sitting underneath that table without a care in the world. I knew nothing of loss and heartbreak. I realize now that even back then my grandmother was sick. More sick than I knew about. I have very fond memories, some of which are starting to fade and I hope to be able to finally put them down to look back and cherish.

I am not telling my stories for people's sympathy. Though some of them will probably hit people hard, might even shed a tear or two, but I am here, I am still breathing and I can't bear another "I'm sorry that happened to." Well, guess what folks? I'm sorry it happened to me to, this is my way of finally dealing with it.

So, I shall leave y'all with this quote who I'm not sure it's by.. but I'm trying to live by it.

"Experience is the only teacher that gives us the test before the lesson."

-Good day