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So, I thought I would update on my life such as it is right now anyways. I am currently on some medicine for depression and anxiety and I can really feel a difference with myself. I feel a lot more calm and I am able to step back now an look at my emotions before I act upon them. I also have been seeing a therapist. It is very nice to be able to talk to someone about all the shit that has been bothering me for awhile now. He is very understanding and he actually talks with me, not at me or just listens. He told me in this last therapy session " Ashli, people have the right be be stupid and lazy you can't change that. Just like you have the right to choose whether you let it bother you or not." And I have been really trying to take that to heart. I can't make people change or do things but I can choose not to get angry about it anymore and affect ME.

Also, for the past 2-3 weeks we have been cleaning out my house and re-modeling/re-arranging it. It has taken almost every ounce of energy I have to do all this housework. But my house looks so much nicer and when it's all said and over with I'll live in a nice place. But that's all for now. Thought i'd make an update. :)

"You do know that this is therapy, right?"

That was the first question my new therapist asked me at our first session yesterday. I thought it was quite odd... Who doesn't know that they are going to a therapy session? Well... nevermind. Ever since the two break downs that happened about 3 weeks ago, I've been on medicine and now I am going to therapy. To be completely honest I feel a lot better. I don't feel like i'm drowning in emotion anymore. So, more updates as I try to get my life re-arranged. :)

Ashli

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So... I finally broke down and went to the doctors and told him what was going on. I also had to talk to a crisis team member an now I have a referral to see a therapist. They are supposed to call me next week. Gotta start my first dose of Clonazepam tonight and Effeckzor tomorrow. Joyous right? Anything to feel better. I really hope this helps...

Finally....

So, after 6 years of battling the state of Iowa my mother has finally been approved for her SSDI. It lifts a great burden off of her shoulders to finally be able to afford the things that she needs and wants. She is positively glowing now that she feels she will finally be able to be independent. Her and I are seriously considering buying our own place to live. It'll probably only be a mobile home, but it'll be better than renting or staying where we are currently at.

Will update later when I can manage to put more than 50 words together coherently.

two shots to the ass

I have had a migraine for three days, so I decided tonight to finally make the trip to the E.R. to see if they could alleviate some of this pain. I expected them to give me some toradol and phenegran and send me home. Well, the doctor came in and asked me a whole bunch of questions about my pain where it was at etc, and then decided to give me a shot of morphine and some phenegran. So life is better right now, i'm going to go and sleep for awhile. Hopefully will update soon! ^.^

It happened...again.

What was I doing at 10pm last night? Waiting my ass around in the local emergency room? Why you ask? Because I ruptured my other ear drum. I know it had been hurting all day at work, and started popping ominiously while watching the new HP movie, and wouldn't quite. I called my mom so just say hi and stuff, litterally just got on the phone with her [ "Hi mom! What's up? Oh SHIT! Lemme call you back!] My ear popped, and then I felt this great rush of something flowing up my ear. I ran into Cassy's kitchen and started saying... "I need a paper towel now please!!" I put it up to my ear for a second, and brought it back away and it had blood on it. FUCK! I did it again and again moving the papertowel and for the next 5 minutes or so blood kept soaking through. I called my mom again... "Mom I think I ruptured my other ear drum." She then tells me to head my butt to the ER. Cassy did... keeping in mind we had been awake since 5 am... to sit around for an hour to wait for anyone to check me in... The doctor finally came in... asked me the usual questions... looked at my right ear to tell me yes, I had indeed ruptured that one 3 months ago... and then he said this..
Dr: "Well, there is alot of puss and bubbling, some traces of blood... oh man that's a big hole... I mean..."
Me: "What?! A 'big' hole?"
Dr: "Well, yeah.. a big hole."
Me: "So, I ruptured my ear drum?"
Dr: "Yep." He looks through my chart... "Well, the dr how seen you about your ear drum last time perscribed you naproxen, but I think I will give you something better for the pain time. I am going to have you scheduled for a ENT specialist appt next week... You NEED to go and see them."
Me: "Ok."
He walks out... about 45 mins later the nurse walks in.. He hands me a lil bag with Lortab and Amoxicylin and tells me to come back in the morning to get the rest of my script filled.

I have been in a lovely loopy state of mind since then. This lortab or whatever makes me reallly loopy and happy. No pain until about five hours or so after I've took it. Then it's teim to take another one. Imma tell them no more tubes in my ears... I think 18 sets of the things are a bit much. *sigh* I'm assuming that reconstructive surgery is next... *bigger sigh*

More later when I'm less dopey.

AShli