The beauty of Darkness... a poem

The darkness falls over
the vast landscape of my life
but before the whimpers can escape
from my throat
the brightness of you shines down
upon me from the heavens
tiny sphere/s peaking out showing
that even in the darkness beauty exists
you are everywhere and no where
the feeling of warmth does not shine forth
but the knowledge of guidance does
your light guides my darkness forward
to somewhere it should not be able to go
your distance and yet appearance of closeness
is strangely helpful, and only for me
you are not the sun that warms the oceans
but the moon and stars that guide them
you are mine in that way
and in that way I am yours.

-Ashli

An Iceball to the face...Beware RANT!

So today i've become so frustrated that I needed to vent. My little cousin MiKayla rides the bus to and from school. She *loves* to ride the bus, she wanted to ride the bus since she knew what it was about. The only problem is, she gets harassed by the other students at the bus stop. No, harassement is such a tame word, she is terrorized down there. We have called the school, walked up there with her, tried talking to the parents... nothing has worked. At first MiKayla wouldn't even tell a teacher anything was happening. But we finally talked her into talking to *someone* at the school about what was happening. So, she did and the kids got brought in and talked to, and wouldn't you know, it started getting worse. We called the school several times a week to have her bus transportation re-routed to a bus stop 1 block down the street, and no one would return our phone calls. Kim and I went up to school to talk to the principal and she said that they were *not* responsible for students before they were on school grounds. Now, since the school basically refused to protect her at the bus stop, we started taking her to and from school in the car. It stopped some of the problem, but once the kids figured out why she was riding in her mom's car they started harassing her at school more. So this year she has been ok, not great but ok. Then her first report card came back and it was like.. all non-sufficients or whatever. This is completely and utterly ridiculous, because MiKayla is doing 3rd grade work at home. She can write in cursive, do multiplications, starting to do fractions, and is reading chapter books. So, today the boiling point was this morning MiKayla was at the bus stop (she wanted to be back on the bus this year) and was circled by all the students at the bus stop, ICE BALLS thrown at her face, and then she was on the ground where the proceeded to try and kick her. This is the point where my mom flew off the handle and started yelling at the kids. And then the bus showed up. So, I wake up to my mom being pissed off and she tells me why. I get MiKaylas mom awake and tell her the problem. She calls the school to tell them she wants to take MiKayla out of school because of this ongoing problem and guess what... Because she is a MINORITY at her school they won't let her open-enroll somewhere else. The school is predominately hispanic, bosnian, and african-american. They get extra money from the state for cacausin students. We would have to move out of the schools district to have any chance of moving her to another school. We can't do that, our house is fully paid for, we couldn't afford the montly payments. So finally the school calls back and says that they are going to change her bus schedule to the one that is one block the other direction. I really hope this helps. If not I will start video-recording these kids and take it to the news.

*end rant*

Updated Ramblings...

So, a few times i've sat down and thought... "I will defintely make a blog today!" And as you can see that never did happen. Life has been interesting, I'm trying to get my anger under control and it's getting better. I still have arguments with my family, mostly my aunt, but i'm not screaming at them anymore. Although sometimes I wish I could!

I promise i'll write more when I have something to actually write about.

Hey there Delilah...

We went to PetSmart where my friend Cassy works and bought a new Guinea Pig today. She is black and white, about 3-4 months old, and we named her Delilah. She has huge ears, lmao. So now we have Delilah the guinea pig, Daveny the hamster, Benjamin C. Beaureguard the ferret, Patchy Pi and Warrior- the dogs... :D We defintely are a menagerie!

New years....

So, I spent New Years eve with the group of friends that i'm growing closer to. We played D&D, ate pizza, drank some champagne, and just generally had a good time. I decided that my resolutions aren't going to be taking things away from my life but adding them... here they are for anyone who cares:

1) To spend more time at home with my family, and less at the bar playing pool.
2) To enjoy the little things in life, and not sweat stuff so much.
3) To be happy with the things I can not change.
4) To start writing daily in my journal things I want accomplished so I can no longer forget them.
5) To go and get help with my problems.
6) To savour things that I normally don't fully appreciate.

I think that's about it. :) Happy New Years everyone!!

-Ashli

two shots to the ass

I have had a migraine for three days, so I decided tonight to finally make the trip to the E.R. to see if they could alleviate some of this pain. I expected them to give me some toradol and phenegran and send me home. Well, the doctor came in and asked me a whole bunch of questions about my pain where it was at etc, and then decided to give me a shot of morphine and some phenegran. So life is better right now, i'm going to go and sleep for awhile. Hopefully will update soon! ^.^

Piss and Puke... what a day!

So, Kim takes me up to the bar after I spent 45 minutes turning in cans and bottles to have money for dinner and shit tonight... anyways, my other aunt Mary is there... and she tells me that Bonnie (my cousin) is at ANOTHER bar, and has no way to get to the bar where we are at. So, I tell her I'll go with her to go pick up Bonnie and her boyfriend Brian. We get there and Brian is pissed off talking to him self yelling etc, we pull up and ask WTF is the problem? He tells us that Big Rod (this guy who has been "friends" with the family for years) Got Bonnie SHIT FACED drunk. They were playing a game of pool and every time that she missed a shot she had to take a shot of jack daniels. This was after pouring 3-4 jack and cokes down her throat and 12 cherry bombs. The girl is fucking trashed. So, Brian brings Bonnie out of the bar she is stumbling around crying, yelling about being sorry etc and Big Rod comes out of the bar. Mary asks him, Who the fuck did this to Bonnie. He said... "I don't know!" She said, "Well, I know that Bonnie and Brian didn't have the fucking money to get her that drunk, why the fuck did you keep pouring HARD alcohol down her throat?" He wouldn't answer her. So, she was like WTF ever don't you ever do that again, she never drinks hard alcohol and you fucking know that! Anyways, she ends up puking all over the side of the van, and pissing herself. We take her back to Brians house to get changed because she was needed to play pool that night. Brian takes her in the house and gets her changed. We stopped no less than 3 times so she could puke out the back door of the van and pisses herself again. (No one knew this time cause she was wearing black pants.) Anyways, I get her into the bar me and Mary were previously at and take her into the bathroom to clean her up. (Fix her hair etc give her my coat cause she was cold.) So, she starts acting more sober, kinda, and we sit her down with 7 up and water in front of her and some chips to try to start sobering her up. Anyways, so she gets up after awhile and starts playing pool, saying that she needs to move around to start getting sober. I sit down in the chair that she was just occupying not knowing that she pissed herself and get HER piss all over ME.
I am flabbergasted at this point in time wondering wtf I am going to do, because I have no way home (Mary is drunk as well) and have to spend the rest of the night with pissy pants when I didn't even piss myself.